Romance: Out Of Style?

All caught up in the romantic genre, I decided to continue down the “Best Books of 2013” by The New Yorker and stumbled upon “A Hundred Summers” by Beatriz Williams.

I will offer a full review once I actually finish the book, but sufficient to say the book is about a love affair that never became, in the 1930’s.

I usually don’t fall for romantic novels, and the ones that I do like I need to take them with the necessary pinch of salt. Otherwise, all of the heartfelt thoughts, actions and emotions of the characters feel like sticky sweet honey that I can’t seem to wash off.

Call it cynicism or plain bitterness, it’s challenging for me to buy the whole romantic thing. Books, films, music and evidently, life in general.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against love. I’ve lived it and know what a true force of nature -or more cynically put, force of hormones- it can be. That being said -and contradictory to what I previously stated- I’m a fan of the classic love stories. (Casablanca, Breakfast at Tiffanies, Roman Holiday, Gone With the Wind) Because, for all it’s epic love gestures and operatic score, it’s seems that, in my mind, people before the 80’s were allowed to be romantic.

Romance became that era. Just like long coats for men and pearl necklaces for women.

What is it about these times that make me think of romance as… flaky? 

If right now you’re thinking:

“This poor lonely guy, I have the BEST boyfriend/girlfriend. He doesn’t have a clue of what he’s writing about…” 

HOLD your horses there, hopeful reader.

True, I am single and true, it might not know what I’m talking about. Never the less, I’m not saying that It’s impossible to find a good relationship. Intimacy, companionship and passion are still very much a real thing, and it happens every day, for some people. 

I’m talking about the old fashioned, big, over the top gestures. 

Waiting for that boy to come back to your home town for months on end, even though you just spent one summer with him. 

Writing to that girl every day, even though you just met her at that one dance but you were baffled by her beauty…

That kind of shit.

So let’s take these overwhelming romantic gestures of the movies for example.

How much romance can exist between two people that meet at a party now as opposed to those that meet 80 years ago?

Well for one thing the guy in the 1930’s couldn’t get home and immediately text the girl. They couldn’t search their name in the google bar, find them on facebook, Youtube, Twitter and quench their fascination by looking at at least 20 pictures of said girl online, creating an immediate personal conclusion of who that girl is.

Modern days have given us the time and the freedom to express ourselves, and in that I think a kind of cynicism was born.

Have we evolved past romance? Was it just a kind of side effect of lack of immediate information about the other person? 

Lots has happened since the Casablanca times. The world realised a lot. Women took a stand against the system, pacifists took action against violence and equality was a thing to fight for, for any race or sexual orientation.

With this, in the western world, persecution itself became persecuted. Information was democratised with the internet, and self expression took on a whole new meaning.

This -it goes without saying- opened the door for amazing opportunities. If there’s something you’re going through, there’s probably already a book, a film, a website and a chat forum discussing the issue at hand, that being said, romance and relationships are probably the most talked about issues in the internet. 

Has the world become too fast paced for something so slow and patient like a truly old fashioned romantic infatuation to bloom these days?

The being separated by your loved one, the writing love letters, and the promises of waiting for that person, no matter what river, mountain or war was the cause of the separation, seem like such unrealistic gestures today.

In the end, intellectualising our feelings as a society has given room for incredible social growth and self awareness, but even in my most bitter and cynical, I wonder if, as a generation we are in fact missing out on the experience that was falling in love and courting the object of your affection the way it was -apparently- done in the old days.

Our expectations when it comes to relationships have gone to getting married and living happily ever after to hoping to have at least ONE good date.

Constant flirting turned into casual sex.

Courting turned into Facebook stalking.

And the fear of a broken heart became the fear of an STI exposure.

Maybe we Millennials need to take a step back and let emotions take front place in our lives. Maybe cynicism is not the way forward but our own demise. To never come to terms with our own emotions and never expressing them in enormous and epic romantic gestures may just be the most detrimental repression of our society.

Maybe we should still actually hope that we might one day find our own Humphrey Bogart or Ingrid Bergman, however devastating the real life experiences may result.

Who knows, maybe we find our very own fairy tale ending… 

Are you convinced?

I was almost, kind of getting there, for a second…

Book Of The Month: "The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P."

Whoever said the mind of guy is simple, should very well give a read at Adelle Waldman’s first novel, The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P.

Having decided to take a break from the fast paced psychological terror of my usual suspects such as Stephen King and Gillian Flynn, I decided to take a look at the book everyone was talking (and tweeting) about.

Guilty as charged for judging a book by it’s cover, this novel, named one of the best books of 2013 by The New Yorker, can be deceptive at it’s first glance.

The title as well as the fun and modern looking cover art, can suggest that the book will be a light romantic comedy, episodically told, as our hero, Nathaniel, goes from woman to woman. 

Could this be an attempt to flip the coin of an unnecessarily hyped Sex and the City, or a comment on it’s progenies like Lena Dunham’s GIRLS?

Fortunately, I was relieved to find out, neither of my guesses were correct.

The book starts where you would hardly expect it to begin. 

Nathaniel is already late for a dinner party at his ex-girlfriend's, when he abruptly bumps into what we quickly know is an old flame. 

The conversation is minimal, and results on her telling our hero “You’re an asshole”.

There’s a good start.

From then on, Nathaniel meets his friends -All newly successful New York that are more often than not a bit too full of themselves- and meets Hannah. A friendly, attractive girl to whom Nathaniel takes an immediate interest. 

The book from then on focuses on the progression of Nathaniel and Hannah going from friendly, to casually dating, to having a "more serious relationship".

The stakes inevitably begin to rise, despite the fact that there is no other guy, or other woman for that matter. No annoying parents or massive economic or cultural differences that will put in danger the character’s relationship. 

The problem, and conflict of the book, is Nathaniel P. Himself.

Waldman can take true pride in knowing how to get inside the mind of the character and narrate with exquisite timing his ego and self worth as well as his insecurities, fears and confused emotions.

Being a guy who also happens to know what dating other guys is like, I found myself experiencing a roller coaster of extreme reactions, not unlike the emotional journey the protagonist himself has.

Nathaniel’s fleeting and volatile emotions towards the relationship versus how he acts upon them found me feeling infuriated with him, while also feeling terrified at just how much I identified with the parts I most hated about him.

The author’s complete and utter understanding of her main character’s physique lets the reader sit comfortably in the therapists chair, allowing a complete and complex analysis on his neurosis. This results on an inherent lack of surprise at how the plot unfolds, however this doesn’t make it any less interesting or satisfying.

The reason why the plot is at times predictable is because in fact very little actually happens during the book.

The novel's realism doesn’t give a lot of space for actions to be front and centre. 

The reader will hardly care about the characters staying together or splitting up, mainly because the relationship itself is incredibly ambiguous. What the book actually focuses on and where the entire character arc takes place, is inside our hero’s head.

That being said, the book -as any relationship- is not without it’s annoying traits.

As Nathaniel himself talks about having an inherent guilt towards issues such as poverty and social inequality, Waldman also seems to be irritably apologetic about the novel’s plot, that -some could say- is full of first world problems or as one of the character's describes it "Girl Stuff".

The book can spend a good 25 pages analysing the character’s feelings and emotions as well as the rising problems of the relationship, and then, out of nowhere the narrative takes a turn both in tone and content talking about “serious” and “real” issues, like slavery, minimum wage and poverty.

While the main character can have incredibly deep and complex emotions, and there are times where the book is close to bringing a tear to your eye, the characters then have conversations that seem over intellectualised. They talk to each other in a cold and detached manor that can almost remind you a Bret Easton Ellis novel. This back and forth can be frustrating at times, as the book can’t seem to stay in the same tone without feeling ashamed of it’s own content.

Be that as it may, the merit of the book is that Waldman has succeeded in creating an incredibly real man; so much that at times I found it hard to believe this was actually written by a woman.

Her efforts of understanding the male psyche in the context of love and sex have truly paid off. Nathaniel is real. I’ve been Nathaniel. And I've definitely dated a bunch of Nathaniels. 

For all the good, and all the bad.

Waldman’s style is to create incredibly ambiguous scenarios that are perfectly crafted so that the reader can ponder over them and get his or her own very personal conclusion. 

The only thing you’re left with, at the end, is a dyer need for a sequel.

Heads Up!: "Caught Inside, The Tabboo Of Being A Gay Surfer"

Fighting homophobia is not the only task at hand for paving the way to social equality.

This new Australian mini documentary, is a kickstarter that deals with the very important fact that coming out, is not the only (and certainly not the hardest) part of being gay. The hardest part, is staying out.

Caught Inside follows the stories of three Australian surfers who narrate the difficulties of fighting the stereotypes that mainstream society has for gay people.
The film isn't out yet, but here's a sneak peak that states the very important fact that despite what most television or movies are telling you, gay people, (and especially gay men) can in fact be found out of the designer store, in the fabulous events, wearing expensive clothes and bitching about other people for no reason at all.

I hope that this film and many more to come, can disprove the stigmas that mainstream media has perpetuated on homosexual men in general. And if you don't care about any of that, just watch it for the beautiful Australian surfers.

As far as I know, nobody ever died of that...