Texting: The New "Dressing Up"?

It had to happen...

As most twenty something guys with a smart phone in their hands, I've fallen pray to the latest urban siren call: Tinder.

It's amazing just how quickly and openly people, (Guys, girls, gays, heteros) are so willing to publish the fact that they are single and don't want to be anymore.

I remember the time when dating sites were still a bit of a taboo and being part of one was usually considered embarrassing.

Now, people in a bar are deliberately taking breaks from conversations to turn on their phone and see what eligible singles are in a two mile radius. Apparently cupid these days is not so worried about his arrows and more worried about having full 3G coverage.

It is what it is, I'm not here to judge.

Hell, I even have the damn app, and as much as I would love to pretend that I'm SO above those desperate little sites full of needy people, looking for attention and affection, I'm afraid all the evidence is now pointing to the contrary.

I'm probably quite needy. 

So needy.

The most needy.
(Damn...).

I've been texting with this guy for about two weeks, we've been on one date.

Let's call him... John Tinder Doe.

And the other day at a party with already more than a few vodkas down my throat, I got to thinking:

What impression could John Tinder Doe have of me?

What impression did I give out first time we texted? Then, what attitude did I project when he actually met me? And what kind of personality have I been sending off during this whole week of texting?

Is there even a difference?

Any self righteous person who at least claims to have a good grasp of who they are, would tell you that if you project something you’re not, whether this is consciously or otherwise, it’s nothing less than pathetic and disgraceful. But here’s what I’m trying to get at:

As the conscious and (May I say, neurotic) creatures that we are. People have always found ways of projecting who they want to be.

To send off the signal that we are the best version of ourselves. Weather that means having money, a witty personality, attractiveness, talent, fitness, blah blah blah.  

Is this necessarily a bad thing?

Sure, when taken to an extreme it can be incredibly detrimental, unproductive, pointless and annoying. But if we didn’t have these best versions of ourselves in our mind, would we strive to have better lives? Better friendships? Or to be better people in general?

We’ve all heard the “You’re already the best version of yourself” “Never change because society is telling you to” “The hell with what other people think!” You know, the kumba-fucking-ya speech.

But when you’re in your twenties and you’re basically beginning your life; Sexually, intimately, professionally… 

When does changing yourself stop being beneficial and becomes a liability?

In past decades, dressing up was a way of looking your best. You choose the colour that make your eyes pop, the haircut that chisels your features, the bra that makes your breasts look amazing and the jeans that make your ass lift like a teenage cheerleader.

All of these elements and tools help us project the best image of ourselves. Why do we do it? Maybe to feel good about ourselves, (Or at least thats what the Strong Independent Self-sufficient of your friends will say). But would we feel any better about looking good if it didn’t have the validation of others attached to it?

And what about texting?

In the last fifteen years, a new way of every day life communication has awoken.

Is this a tool that can help us edit who we are even further? And what point is there to it?

In a world where you can wait as much as you like for the perfect response, share any feeling with a yellow coloured emoticon and give someone the cold shoulder with a simple double tick icon, are we hiding who we are even more?

Some people say we are. That texting is not a way of getting to know a person at all. I agree to a certain extent. Nothing like a genuine reading of facial expressions, voice tone and body language to asses a person in the best way, but how much do we (or CAN we) edit ourselves in real life?

Regardless, it's my experience that all edits come to an inevitable end. There's only so much that we can hide from others. The parts that are most delicate, vulnerable, shameful, awkward. We can hide them as much as we'd like, but they're still gonna be there, and if you keep dating this person, sooner or later it's all gonna come out to the surface.

I think it's important to evaluate the amazing tool that we have with things like Tinder and Whatsapp, but if also to take a minute and remember that knowing a person is to show the real you. No emoticons, no perfectly formulated answers, no aloof hello's and take care's    :)    ;)   or whatever you choose to write.

Showing your face, with everything it has, bad, ugly and awkward, and going for a coffee or drinks with real interaction and closeness will be a lot more terrifying, uncomfortable and nerve wracking but... what human experience worth having isn't all of the above?